Moving along...

I am nearing the end of my internship and am ready to be free of school. I have mentioned before that I am a High School Special Education teacher and in Graduate school with Intermediate and Elementary school aged kids which means I am pretty tired of homework!

Spring is in the air and change is in order. I went to class tonight and practiced how to behave in a job interview. Nothing like a few years to make one look askance at their resume and wonder what their chances are in the swarm of new grads swimming up stream to multiply and take the good jobs. I am pretty sure a sex change would guarantee me the job of my choice but I am pretty committed to the shell I got, as unpreserved as it is.

Just for posterity, since Facebook apparently owns everything I write there from now on, I will post the 25 Random Things that I wrote about myself and obsessive as I am, I may continue to read it and edit it in perpetuity until it is perfect which will be...never. But isn't that life? Mind dump, edit, erase and improve and keep writing.


1. I am about to be 39 years old which I have mixed feelings about. On one hand I feel wise and that I have arrived at exactly the place I should be. On the other hand, 39 feels like a lie and I secretly ask myself why I haven’t preserved my ass as well as Jennifer Aniston has preserved hers… and another part of me says “Who cares?”. As Amy grant once said “I wasn’t a bathing suit model when I was 20 either”. (or something like that). I think I will grow my hair back because I secretly fear I cut off my mojo.

2. I have a lot of talents but sometimes I think not one of them has been used to their potential. I want to be a back up singer for anyone who will have me ( I’m not picky, just want to sing). I also think I will write a book or a screen play someday. Why not? Other people do it? I just have to let go of my parachute.

3. I have been a Special Education teacher, a social worker and mom and still I feel like it might be selfish to do something fluffy like writing, art, design or music. I‘m waiting for a sign that I’ve paid my life’s dues.

4. I looked into my mother’s eyes while she died and it changed me forever.5. I hate games of all sorts. I care nothing for competition except against myself. Soduko puzzles make me contemplate sticking something sharp in my own arm.6. I get a physical rash if I try to lie. I get the same rash if I try to do math. If I was ever to play poker (which you know I would never do if you read number 5.) You would never know if I was lying or trying to add my cards. Same difference.

7. I have an intellectual curiosity that eats facts like a wood chipper. I can get excited about just about anything and obsessively research it and enthusiastically discuss it until I forget everything and replace it with a new obsession.

8. I used to read (look at pictures) in decorating magazines endlessly and now I use the internet to do that. This solves one problem and creates another. Magazines don’t fill up my space, but my husband is annoyed that I have my face in my computer all the time. Grayson calls me “Cyber Mom”.

9. I have created a blog called the Ya Ya Diaries that I have never shown to anyone and I am most proud of the fact that I figured out how to add a falling snow effect on a picture of our house on a winter’s night.

10. I write poetry in the window of a French translator. It makes me feel inspired thinking about chic Parisians nodding their heads and agreeing the anonymous author is a true poet.

11. I feel guilty that every one of these entries begins with “I”. I sometimes worry that I sound obnoxious when I talk about myself too much when what I am really trying to do is make other’s feel more comfortable by opening up about myself first. ( See? Waaay too many “I’s”).

12. My favorite colour is robin’s egg blue. I could live in a bead board box filled with shells and flowers extend my life. I love the soundtrack to The Holiday and I play one song over and over again on my I-pod so I can sleep when Randy snores.

13. Bad feng shui in a room makes me physically uncomfortable, so do crooked fences and ugly tile.

14. I went to London once with my friend and she treated me to my first ever facial at Harrods for my birthday and I was ruined because it was so perfect.

15. I love to be snowed in.

16. I love to read. I could read almost anything. When I was a little girl I would go to play at my friend Elizabeth’s house and she would be annoyed with me because all I wanted to do was read her books. My teacher Miss Strickland would take my books away from me at recess to force me to socialize. I read a book a night under the covers and one under my desk everyday. My favorite books are The Kite Runner and I Capture the Castle, today.

17. I applied for a job with Obama administration but I know they will never hire me because I am a Canadian citizen with a Syrian born brother-in–law ,fresh back from Cuba, whom I love. It was fun to think about helping to make a difference.

18. I have been an undercover counselor working as a teacher for the last four years and am finishing my Master’s Degree in Education (which I secretly wish was in creative writing, or art or social work) and School Counselor Certification. It will be a relief to finally be called a counselor again because I could not care less about giving kids grades, I want to know how they are doing.

19. The more I know the more I know I don’t know. I hope my daughter feels anything is possible. I can't stand rules but I always follow them.

20. If I ever got a tattoo (and I won’t) it would be a seahorse.

21. I get sucked into tacky reality television from time to time because of the psychology. I love to figure people out and have compassion for almost anyone. This is a problem for me because I cannot stay angry long enough to protect myself when someone hurts me. Which brings me to the next point…

22. I wish I could remember…almost anything. I can recall what my students say to me about their lives, a 1x1 inch picture in some random magazine from five years ago, a store 500 miles away, a detail on the hem of a dress, but I cannot remember Randy’s office number at work. Thank God he now works from home! I am also amazed when my sister tells me something that happened when we were kids that I don’t remember. It’s like I wasn’t even there!

23. People in my classes at graduate school always tell me that I should be teaching the class which is just more proof to me that I talk too much.

24. I recently took a personality inventory and found out that I am an introvert even though no one I know would ever describe me as anything but an extrovert (You know you would!). I really prefer quiet pursuits like reading watching movies, drawing and thinking. (Except when I am impersonating Shania at karaoke- what can I say? I am an enigma.)

25. I am torn. I love Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket. They soothe my soul. I love to decorate and landscape my home. Creating something makes me very happy. Then sometimes I don’t want to possess anything and travel the world or live in London with everything I own fitting into a Birkin bag. (I am snorting. Please tell me someone else thinks that’s as funny as I do.)